When it comes to this topic, a part of me is afraid to speak, for fear of saying the wrong thing. My sense is that most people will assume this article does not apply to them, and they would rather not explore the topic too deeply within themselves as it’s uncomfortable. And yet, I really want to share what I hope is a healing message.
Over the years, I’ve followed the dialogue on how to end racism. I always perk up when I hear thought leaders talk about getting to the root cause of racial injustice. But then I feel disappointed, when I hear what I consider to be inadequate solutions. You see, most of what I hear is about things that can be done in the external world to help the situation. Very little is said about what people can do within themselves. While it is true that I (a white man) can’t know what it is to live in this world as a black person or other minority, I have worked with many people on both sides of the “conflict” -- those who feel oppressed, and those who are sharing their unconscious or conscious racial bias with me. I may not be a professional in the area of systemic racism; but as a keen observer of internal biases, I want to share what I believe is going on within most of us. I hope that doing so may help more of us have self-awarenesss on this issue.
Traumas from the past
When I was high school in New Jersey in the 1980s, I recall a friend telling me about an incident he was involved in when he was 8 or 9 years old. He told me that he was assaulted by an older black boy, who then stole his bicycle. Because of this, he said, he felt justified in having a problem with all black people. That never sat well with me; but, like with so many other things I didn’t fully understand while growing up, I didn’t know what to say. Of course, over the years in my clinical work, I have encountered similar stories of trauma that left the patient feeling he or she could never trust “any man” (or “any doctor”, or a certain race, or other group), based on earlier experiences in that patient’s life. The need for safety becomes paramount when we are traumatized, and the healing journey is about rebuilding that trust. By working with patients, I’ve come to recognize that everyone has their own healing journey, and that it must be taken at their own pace and speed. It’s important for me, as the therapist, not to hasten the process. And it requires careful attention to what the person can hear and internalize at the moment, without going beyond their window of tolerance.
Fast forward to June 2020. I’m having a telehealth session with a woman I will call “Melanie” -- a 30-year-old woman whom I have treated for Bipolar Disorder over the past 5 years. Melanie explains to me how she was triggered by the recent events involving police brutality. She explains that, for 15 years, she sometimes becomes combative when she is having a manic episode. That has resulted in multiple incidents with the police where she was restrained. She believes she was treated harshly not just because she has a psychiatric problem, but because she is a person of color. She shares that even when she just sees a police officer in the distance, she can become overwhelmed — overtaken by feelings of chest tightness, fear, shame, humiliation, and rage.
As I discussed in recent articles, an “overwhelmed mind” is a mind taken over by very intense negative emotions — either by many emotions at the same time, or by one heightened emotion in particular. In Melanie’s case, you can see how when she sees a police officer, her mind becomes overwhelmed; and how this sets off a “vicious cycle” of rising internal frustration and reactions (see Figure 1).
Figure 1
Like all of us, she has a strong need to feel safe and, specifically when it comes to the police, to “be treated with respect like every other citizen” (Melanie’s words). When those needs go unmet, she experiences an internal frustration that she avoids feeling by taking unconscious protective measures (aka “reactions”). These include having contempt for the police, labeling psychiatric hospital staff as “racists”, feeling like a victim, binge eating, and trying to enforce control by demanding that I guarantee that I will never hospitalize her if she becomes manic again. In Figure 1, you can see how the vicious cycle doesn’t lend itself to easy resolution -- the negative emotions reinforce the need to be treated with respect, and the unmet need to be treated with respect reinforces the negative emotions. While all the negative emotions that come up are normal and understandable under the circumstances, aberrant beliefs that are biased towards keeping oneself safe begin to take over when a person gets “overwhelmed”.
Let me offer another recent example with a woman I will call “Jenna”, whom I have also treated for Bipolar Disorder for the past 10 years. She is a 40-year-old Caucasian woman who grew up in a diverse neighborhood in NYC, in a loving family, but with parents who had their own prejudices. She is a very caring person, and is generally friendly to everyone regardless of ethnicity. Over the time I’ve known her, her psychiatric condition has remained fairly stable. However, every now and then she can have manic incidences in which she becomes “overwhelmed” and emotionally reactive -- particularly when she disagrees with what other people are saying or doing (whether it is her family, friends, people in the store, other drivers on the road, etc.)
One night, Jenna was driving by herself in the rain, and she lightly bumped into the car in front of her at a red light. She was pretty sure it was just a slight tap and no big deal. Two young black men came out of the car in front of her to look at the damage, as did she. She found a mark on their car that she believed matched the sound of the contact; but there was also more significant damage on their fender, which she assumed had already been there. The men disagreed and were saying that there was no damage on their car before she hit them. The police were called.
In the 10 minutes it took until the police officer arrived, Jenna grew very upset with what the men were saying, and started telling herself that she didn’t trust “these people” to do the right thing. She then started to feel unsafe and worried about there being no one else around besides her and the two men. She smoked a cigarette and called her husband, but was still having a hard time calming down. A police officer finally arrived and was able to diffuse the situation. Information was exchanged, a report was filed, and everyone went their separate ways. Although Jenna never verbalized the thoughts she was having directly to the men that night, when I inquired more deeply about her experience, she revealed the racially biased thoughts that went through her mind.
Figure 2
Referring to Figure 2, you can trace how Jenna’s overwhelming emotions set off a “vicious cycle.” Like Melanie, she has a strong need for safety that she perceived as not being met. This unmet need reinforced her negative emotions, and further biased her thinking and interpretations in the situation. When the men didn’t agree with her perspective, she avoided feeling her “internal frustration” by reacting: trying to control the situation, smoking, feeling like a victim, being irritable towards those who disagree with her, looking for support from others, and self-righteousness.
Racism and the Overwhelmed Mind
Based upon the conventional wisdom in our current social environment, one might make the case that Jenna is a “closet racist” and Melanie is justified in her feelings towards those in authority. But I would like to suggest these two have more in common than you might think. Their backgrounds, upbringings, experiences, and ethnicities are different, but they both expressed internal biases as a result of unmet needs, and this plays a role in triggering their “vicious cycles”. Jenna’s challenge is to recognize that even though she is not aware of having prejudice in her daily life or how she views others, there is likely some aspect of her mind or body that still carries the outdated beliefs expressed by her parents. Melanie’s challenge is to work through her somatic trauma (trauma carried in the body), as well as address what I refer to as the “hating hatred” problem (in this case, hating law enforcement and anywhere else that she perceives racism).
Justified hatred towards racists and other “haters” may be in vogue at the moment, and is even an understandable reaction. But it is not healing, and it is arguably not any better than the original hatred. It is negativity that only begets more negativity. And on a personal level, when we judge someone or something for being hateful or racist or evil, it keeps us stuck in our own negative “vicious cycle” and unable to enjoy more positive feelings.
The most beneficial way to intervene is when you are able to speak from a calm and compassionate state of mind. We can’t heal racism, personally or in the external world, until we address the race-related trauma embedded in our minds and our bodies. If you feel curious about looking deeper into this issue, please consider the following:
Develop more self-awareness of triggering: Examine how your mind and body react when you overhear a hateful comment or read a news story about racially-charged incidents. Assess your emotions, sensations, images, breathing, thoughts, and behaviors in these moments. To take it a step further, you could look at how you might be creating your own “vicious cycle” by filling in Figure 1 or 2 with your personal “Negative Emotions”, “Needs”, and “Reactions”.
Educate yourself about racial biases: There are many wonderful resources on this topic. I highly recommend the book My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakam, MSW, LICSW, SEP. In this book, the author encourages all of us to work on our personal issues around racism, offering suggestions and body-centered practices for white Americans, black Americans, and other people of color, as well as law enforcement professionals.
Finally, I recommend working with body-centered therapists such as those practicing Somato-Emotional Release and Craniosacral Therapy, and therapists that are familiar with Internal Family Systems. These therapies can heal the mind and body by harmonizing the traumatized parts. They offer creative ways out of the vicious cycle and into more positive thoughts and feelings like empathy, courage, clarity, wisdom, and wholeness.