Last July, I wrote an article entitled “Undoing the Racism Within” in which I discussed a way for each of us to work on our own conscious and unconscious racial biases that result from “unmet needs”. In the aftermath of recent police brutality incidents, there has been much discussion and protesting over the past year about achieving racial justice in the external world. But there has not been as much discussion about racial healing with each other and within oneself. In my own work with patients, this issue has come up in new ways this past year. In this article, I will highlight the case of a 17-year-old white male who sought my help with feeling emotionally overwhelmed about his “white privilege,” which was triggered by what he had been learning about Critical Race Theory at school.
Both racial justice and racial healing are crucial outcomes to achieve, but they are not the same thing. Racial justice is about corrective action for fair treatment on a social and systemic level. Racial healing is what lies beyond the corrective actions and might include this definition: restorative experiences that can be introspective or interpersonal, in which the participant is willing to let their mind and heart be open and expansive, to share personal truths, and to reaffirm the humanity in all of people. Racial healing will undoubtedly include the acknowledgement that unconscious bias is present in oneself (as it is in every person), and commitment to the work of affirming and having compassion towards oneself as well as others.
Will is currently a high school senior in the New York City area whom I have treated for mild anxiety over the past 2 years. He comes from an “intact” family, but he experienced significant past physical abuse from an older brother who has a history of Bipolar Disorder and violence and who no longer lives in the home. Even with some social anxiety and in spite of the family issues, Will has done well academically, achieved near-perfect SAT scores, and is a sensitive person. Last July, he explained to me all the feelings he had associated with his “privilege” – emotions which included shame, guilt, anxiety, worthlessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred. At one point last year, he attended a Black Lives Matter protest hoping it would help to show his support, but said that “it actually made things worse and even more emotionally taxing.” He decided to “back off the protests,” but was still left with a lot of negative feelings that he did not know what to do with.
You can refer to Figure 1 below to trace how Will’s overwhelming emotions set off what I am calling his “Vicious Cycle”. Although he had a strong need to make amends, a part of him believed that “all white people collude with racism”. This rigid belief would lead him to the thought that no matter what he did it could never be enough, and he would become deeply frustrated internally. He would then unconsciously try to find ways to avoid his inner frustration and self-hatred through certain reactions: judging his peers and family as “racists” for their lack of awareness, self-righteously thinking that maybe he was better than them in this regard, censoring what he spoke to friends about, showing compulsive kindness to anyone of color, and being active in the BLM protest movement. At school, he was trying to make amends to the black community by being an activist; but this led him further into anxiety because privately he was unsure that, by being white and male, he could genuinely be one. Obviously, this reinforced his feelings of shame, guilt, and hopelessness.
In working with emotional overwhelm, I first focus on getting people to an internal place of safety and security. Will agreed to work on this emergent issue of anxiety about “privilege” using hypnotherapy (via telehealth); and initially we worked to create a platform of more emotional safety and openness. Once that was achieved, I guided Will to move on to feeling and naming all his different emotions, before progressing into seeking to understand his deeper beliefs. This approach is based in my firm belief that all healing is about becoming whole, unharmed, and well. To be “whole and well”, one must integrate all aspects of oneself, even the aspects of personality deemed undesirable and the negative emotions one would rather not feel. To truly move towards balance, one must also find ways to incorporate positive feelings such as love, forgiveness, freedom, and trust even when experiencing upsetting situations.
When I asked if there were any parts of him that disagreed with his conscious need to “make amends,” he was able to share a few things. As we further explored, we found that there was a rebellious part of him that agreed with the idea that white people in general have privileges that they take for granted; but that in his own personal life he felt disadvantaged from frequently getting beaten up by his violent brother earlier in his life. Furthermore, regarding his hopes of attending an Ivy League college the next year, he believed being white was not an advantage and worked against him; so the idea that he had “white privilege” did not make sense to that part. We also discovered that an investigator-philosopher part of him had a need to discover “truth” in his life; and that even though he “did not yet know the actual truth of what has been going on,” this part of him firmly believed that no one should be judged by the color of his or her skin. And finally, there was a third part who was a type of protective inner guardian, who said that he will never admit in school to having these various “parts” or confusing beliefs; stating that it (the part) did not trust the staff and was afraid of retaliation by teachers who could lower Will’s grades. This protective part had decided the wisest course of action was to either keep quiet or have Will pretend that he was an activist to ensure that his need for safety was met. (This exploration of “parts” is a common therapeutic technique used for regenerating mental health.) Will and I worked together towards showing compassion, humility, and acceptance towards himself, these parts, and the negative feelings and perplexing beliefs he had been holding. I also worked with him to “normalize” the understanding that all people, like him, have different aspects that have various viewpoints and may even contradict each other, and that the aspects have something to contribute and should not be ignored or gotten rid of – tactics which do not work anyway, as any suppressed aspect will eventually come back stronger.
When Will came to me that July with all his overwhelming negative feelings, he was caught in the circular, self-perpetuating Vicious Cycle we see illustrated in Figure 1. He did not know how to balance all of his thoughts and feelings himself; and Will was advised at school to not only have good intentions, but to have “an impact” by becoming actively anti-racist. I question whether any shame-induced “action steps” (such as Will joining a protest out of guilt) can ever be authentically beneficial to a person until they have integrated other aspects of themselves (i.e. the other “parts” and conflicting needs Will gave voice to in therapy) that let them take action from a more inspired place. Let me elaborate.
Critical Race Theory was developed by civil rights scholars and activists to transform the relationship between law and racial power. It was not developed by therapists to include help for individuals to deal with their own race-related trauma. A key premise of Critical Race Theory, the term “anti-racism,” is unfortunately problematic from a healing perspective. Although at first glance the sentiment behind the term arouses compassion in many of us, the prefix “anti” implies hostility towards or going against something. Therefore, the term “anti-racism” becomes what I refer to as a “hating hatred” problem. By “hating hatred” I mean that a person is reacting to something negative by bringing more negativity, rather than bringing something constructive to the initial problem. While justifiable hatred toward racists and other “haters” may be in vogue at the moment, the negative impulse behind it is arguably not any better than the original hatred and it will not lead to healing. Animosity is negativity that only begets more negativity. On a personal level, when individuals or groups judge someone or something for being “despicable” or “racist” or “evil,” that judgement perpetuates the negative Vicious Cycle and unable enjoy positive feelings and outcomes.
A great example of this observation was provided by Mother Teresa when she said, “I will never attend an anti-war rally. If you have a peace rally, invite me.” Mother Teresa was talking about war, but this concept can be applied to anything to which you can bring change through positivity; rather than by concentrating on the negative aspects, expecting negativity to change to positivity that way. If the anti-racist movement really wants to have an enduring positive impact, maybe it is useful to take a hint from Mother Teresa -- that there needs to be a reframing of the current approach to come from a positive place such as the perspective of pro-healing, pro-human, or pro-inclusion.
Whether we are discussing individual racism or systemic racism, healing has to take place on an individual level simply because all systems are made up of people. Critical Race Theory has introduced an important social conversation. But in regards to individuals and particularly to youth, it seems like the more responsible thing to do when a teacher or curriculum is introducing topics that potentially create emotional upheaval in young people’s minds is to give them tools to cope and to integrate their beliefs and feelings in a more balanced, curative way. Over the past couple decades, I have wondered about what greater roles schools can play in helping students deal with overwhelming emotions such as anger to help mitigate violence and school shootings. I do not believe Critical Race Theory, presented as a concept without regards to personal implications, is going to help young distressed white males cope with their feelings any better; and perhaps it even leads to them feeling even more disregarded.
My advice to educators is to be thoughtful about teachings that can potentially induce negative self-questioning in students, ensuring that the antidotes of safety and healing can also be offered. Otherwise, the consequences for the students, the schools, and society will almost certainly be adverse as well. It would be unrealistic to expect that every student could find a private therapist to deal with whatever emotional and social stress the CRT curriculum brought up in them (on top of all the other burdens youth are experiencing academically, socially, and in their family lives). Incorporating racial healing in school curriculum alongside the understanding of racial justice being presented in CRT curriculum will offer a road of compassion and positivity that young minds need to truly live up to their full creative potentials. Imagine if schools help find a way for students to express their true thoughts and feelings, without judgment, in a safe way (such as with the guidance of counselors in addition to the leadership of their teachers), and in an environment that makes it possible to learn how to allow and explore negative feelings by promoting emotional safety and compassion for self and others.