At a recent mental health conference, I had the opportunity to hear Ben Nemtin, a 37 year-old Canadian writer, give the keynote address Making the Impossible, Possible. He shared his personal journey of struggling with anxiety and depression in college which he ended up dropping out of and moving back home. He and 3 friends then came up with the idea from an 1852 poem by Matthew Arnold, “The Buried Life,” to go on a road trip about “1 Film. 4 Guys. 100 Things to Do Before You Die” that later became a TV show and a global movement. He and his friends ended up completing 91 out of the 100 items on their bucket list which included playing basketball with President Obama at the White House. As we start to reengage the world from the pandemic, Ben’s message about figuring out what’s important to you so it doesn’t become buried is timely and inspirational. In this next article, I will outline 5 Steps on how you can make the impossible, possible in your own life.
STEP 1: Write.
We often assume that we first need inspiration before we can strive to achieve our goals but waiting around for inspiration is an excuse. There are things you can do starting today just by writing down what’s important to you; the things you love, the things you are curious about, or how you would like to help others. Stephen Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote to “begin with the end in mind so you can work and plan towards it.” There are no deadlines with personal dreams but by writing down your goals that can at least start the process of accountability and that goal or dream can then become “a project.” In fact, studies show that people who write down their goals are 40% more likely to succeed. That’s an easy 40%. Still not sure what to write? Consider these questions:
Are you-right now- who you want to be?
What have you always loved to do?
What makes you lose track of time?
What are your natural skills?
What do people ask you for help with?
What challenges have you overcome and how?
What are the things that you do in your life that remind you of your personal truth?
If you had a million dollars, what would you be doing right now?
How do you want to be remembered?
STEP 2: Share.
Talk about your dreams with others because if you don’t, no one can help you. Synergy can help you achieve goals based upon the strengths of other people that you probably can’t do alone.
Some people don’t share their biggest dreams due to concerns about what other people think or a fear of failure. If you’re doing your best, you won’t have time to worry about failure and never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. There is no failure except in no longer trying.
STEP 3: Persist.
Be tenacious and proactive. People trick themselves into thinking that external forces are the reason they fail. The simple truth you fail is because you stop trying. Success depends on consistency of effort as much as it does on the quality of work. Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work. Sometimes you have to put in many, many tiny efforts that nobody sees or appreciates before you achieve anything worthwhile.
STEP 4: Moonshots.
Shoot for the moon if that is what you feel called to do. 99% of the world is convinced they can not do great things so they aim for realistic goals. The level of competition is highest for realistic goals but lowest for unrealistic goals perhaps giving you a higher chance of getting it done. Going the extra mile is never crowded. A big dream motivates you to get out of bed morning and it attracts the best talent and biggest dreamers by your side.
STEP 5: Give.
Think Win-Win. Value and respect people by understanding a “win” for all is even better than just for yourself. Helping others fills you up in a way that doing things for yourself does not and often brings a deeper sense of fulfillment. When people see you out in the world helping others, they want to help you. The simplest way to help others is to do what you love. By doing what you love, you inspire others to do what they love. This ripple effect will touch more people than you know.
In the book, The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, the number one regret people mentioned was to have had the courage to live the life true to who they were, and not the life others had expected of them. Early on in my career as an intern during my Internal Medicine rotation, I learned to be a good listener of patients who were dying of a fatal illness while in the hospital; I also learned that people at the very end of their lives are incapable of bullshit and can teach us to shed what’s false and become who we truly are. I’d like to hope it’s never too soon for this to happen for everyone and not because your sick and declining. This past pandemic year has been about sickness and death for way too many people, but for the vast majority of the world it became more of a forced sitting meditation where we couldn’t just do something but instead sit. I encouraged many of my patients in this dilemma to sit and write (Step 1). I’ve never believed though the most important existential question was “What I am supposed to be doing with my life?” or completing a bucket list of adventures. It seems to me the better question to write about would be, “Who I am being with my life?” Being comes before doing and what you are supposed to be doing with your life will flow out of who you truly are. If we’re all collectively one symphony, we’re each individually different notes and every single one is important. I believe the world needs you to figure out who you are so that you can create in the world and for the world as only you can. Imagine if we could all figure out how to do that while we still had healthy working bodies.
How would you do this? It may not be about you jumping out of an airplane, writing a bestselling book, or visiting every country in the world. Take a hint from how people actually spend their last days. If you really want to live every day like it’s your last then do some introspection, discover and express your amazing uniqueness in the world. Start with the questions in Step 1 and keep writing a page every day possibly for several months and you will find eventually something starts to wake up inside of you. Stop bullshitting. Make your life story about who you truly are because I believe the world needs you to.