Even though we’re still in Spring, the year 2020 is already an eventful one—the COVID-19 pandemic, the Senate impeachment trial of the President, and probably a few other surprises. Another “event” that mirrors these headline events is one that is less visible—our feelings about these events, and the potential to feel overwhelmed by them.
We may try to get by with the usual life-preservers of our culture—television, internet, shopping, working, smoking, legal and illegal drugs, alcohol, fatty and sweet foods, socialization, staying busy, even pretending that everything is fine. I would like to offer another way to help you navigate through these unwanted and difficult emotions, ultimately arriving at more positive feelings. The following is taken from my upcoming book, 5 Steps to Tame the Overwhelmed Mind (5STOM, for short).
An “overwhelmed mind” is a mind taken over by very intense negative emotions—either by many emotions at the same time (confusion, panic, rage, guilt, humiliation, worthlessness, etc.) or by one heightened emotion in particular. We may also describe this as “stressed out,” “can’t cope,” “flipped out,” or “losing it.” Let me outline how our minds can become overwhelmed about the coronavirus, and then I will give pointers on how to move away from overwhelm in this time of COVID-19.
You may recall that in the midst of the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks in 2001, people in the downtown New York City area could be seen instinctively running for the safety of their homes. The need for safety is an inherent human instinct that functions on autopilot, even in the midst of overwhelm. The same principle applies now, with the need to feel safe and protected from coronavirus (which is also life-threatening). Once we started to hear and read that other people around the world were being affected by this virus, our own need for safety became prominent in our minds. Intensifying this is the concern that our need for safety might go unmet, given the news reports of the increasing spread of the virus over time.
We can start to experience rising “internal frustration” ( I define this as negative feelings being generated inside), as our fight-flight-freeze response gets triggered but doesn’t have an outlet in this situation. (Because coronavirus is a microscopic pathogen, there is nothing to reflexively fight or run away from. Therefore, there is no direct physical action to take that would relieve the mounting internal responses.) As frustration builds internally, there is a good chance that we become more anxious and fearful about the situation: Will I or my loved ones get the coronavirus? Am I taking effective precautions? If I get the virus, will I die? What will life be like when things go “back to normal”? How badly will this affect me financially? You may even find that you start to blame others about who is responsible for the continued crisis, or criticize some for not doing enough to protect us. You might feel like a powerless victim, or feel despair that there will be no end in sight. You may question yourself, wondering if you’re overreacting or underreacting.
An attempt to “control” the external situation is a normal response to mounting internal pressure. You might be using hand sanitizer, avoiding large public settings, stocking up on food and supplies, and staying at home. While these are wise actions to take to prevent unnecessary exposure to the virus, you may find that these actions do not settle your fears about the uncertainty and the unknown.
When a person perceives that their need for safety remains threatened (currently being reinforced by the news saying as much each passing day), the tendency is to become even more fearful. The mind becomes overwhelmed, potentially setting off what can be called a “vicious cycle” (see Figure 1). In this chart, you can see an example of a vicious cycle that doesn’t lend itself to easy resolution: the negative emotions reinforce the need for safety, and the unmet need for safety reinforces the negative emotions. The definition I am offering for “the overwhelmed mind” is based on this circular loop. As Figure 1 shows, the vicious cycle is like an electrical circuit that is being reinforced over and over until it’s overloaded. While all the negative emotions that may come up are normal and understandable under the circumstances, when a person gets “overwhelmed”, aberrant beliefs that are biased towards keeping us safe begin to take over. The vicious cycle makes it difficult to think clearly and to see facts of the situation from a balanced perspective.
Figure 1
Now that we have discussed the cycle, let me offer some suggestions that will give your nervous system time to relax. In the coming days, try these tips:
Be more aware of how you might be creating your own “vicious cycle” by considering the triad we’ve discussed: 1) the instinctive need for safety, 2) feelings of “internal frustration” when you perceive the need for safety is unmet, and 3) ways in which you “protect” yourself from frustration that may actually reinforce or strengthen the negative emotions. For example, if you find the news about the pandemic is tripping you up, avoid excessive exposure to media coverage. Remind yourself that, while it’s important to know what is going on, too much time spent following the news will potentially reinforce the vicious cycle mentioned above.
As the pandemic intensifies, do your best to hold your fire, and find a better outlet for the internal pressure (such as going for a walk, journalling, doing some work around the yard). Avoid lashing out at those around you, triggering their internal vicious cycles.
Refrain from blaming and criticizing the different factors and people that you believe contributed to the current situation. As Figure 1 points out, the more you criticize and blame, the more you will stay stuck in the negative vicious cycle; rather than being able to enjoy more positive feelings. Negativity will only beget more negativity.
Finally, each passing day, ask yourself this question: “Can I be open to the uncertainty, without the accompanying negative musings and reactivity?” I often remind patients that if you can “sit” with the uncertainty, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to worry about something. It would be great if worrying could change the outcome of events but it doesn’t—it just keeps you stuck in a vicious cycle. Allowing the uncertainty frees your mind to have more positive experiences each day.
More resources to help you shift negative feelings to positive ones can be found in my Health Topics, and in my upcoming book 5 Steps to Tame the Overwhelmed Mind (scheduled for publication later this year). In Part II of this article, I will illustrate the 5STOM Method using a case study of someone dealing with her fears.