When I started my psychiatry career in the Navy in the mid-1990’s, I was advised to always tread carefully with patients on three topics: sex, religion, and politics. Twenty-five years later, I find that talking about sex and religion is not so challenging, but politics is a different story.
I believe part of that is due to an increasingly polarized society where people have a “war mentality” towards those who do not share their views. I treat patients on both sides of the political aisle, and I find it fascinating that both sides share a strong need for safety and believe the people in the opposing political party are threatening that safety -- though for different reasons, of course. As I have discussed in previous articles, when the need for safety seems to be unmet, a person can get stuck in a vicious cycle of overwhelming negative feelings (see COVID-19 article, April 2020). Hence, given that a Presidential election can only produce one winner, there is a good chance that people in the losing party will feel overwhelmed by the election results. If you are hoping for a certain outcome, how can you prepare yourself psychologically in case things don’t go your way?
In this current article, I will use a case study to illustrate how you can shift negative feelings into positive ones by using a visual “emotional map”. I have developed this map over years of working with patients; and it is explained in depth in my upcoming book, 5 Steps to Tame the Overwhelmed Mind (5STOM for short). Before we go into the example, let me introduce some basic concepts so that you can see how the 5STOM map works. Then we will look at the case of a woman named “Kate”, who was dealing with overwhelming emotions in the aftermath of the 2016 Presidential Election. (Note: I have changed names and other identifying details in order to protect privacy.)
The “Emotional Map” = the Steps in the Process
The map we will be working with is similar to the layout of an apartment building, with five regions that encompass various floors (see Figure 1). The building itself illustrates a hierarchy of emotions: from Hopelessness located on the very bottom floor, to Peace at the very top, and other emotions somewhere in between. The “floors”, or regions, represent the steps of the process. As you systematically make your way up through each region, you reach higher floors and feelings that are improved.
Step 1—Identify Negative Emotions
On the lowest floors, Step 1 helps you to feel and name the negative emotions that cause overwhelm for you. When you are emotionally overwhelmed, this is the most constructive starting point; because it helps you to allow all of your feelings to be there, without judgment or denial. This brief process alone may help lessen those feelings enough that you find you are already starting to feel better.
Step 2—Identify Desires and Needs
Step 2 is to consciously recognize and accept the desires and needs that are being unmet in the current situation. Clarifying unmet desires and needs sets the stage for Steps 3 and 4, since these needs create patterns that are repeated throughout your life if left unresolved.
Step 3—Identify Contributing Patterns and Frustrations
In this step, you start to identify the thoughts and emotional patterns that you habitually employ and which set off predictable emotional reactions. You will gain insight into why some of these patterns are what I call “tried-and-failed patterns”—ones that typically lead to overwhelm by reinforcing the negative emotions. Once you realize which ones are dead ends, you can start to address the question, “How am I bringing about these reactions within myself?”
Step 4—Changing course…the Re-Parenting Squares
Step 4 is critical to breaking out of the “vicious cycle” of unmet needs reinforcing negative feelings, and negative feelings reinforcing unmet needs. In Step 4, we establish emotional safety and engage creative thinking skills that help ward off overwhelm. We do this by incorporating Containment, Connectedness, and Creativity (the “3 Cs”), through a series of questions and visualizations that redirect the emotional reactions.
Step 5—Positive Feelings
In Step 5, negative feelings have improved, and we arrive at freedom from emotional overwhelm. Once you have completed the prior four steps, your state of mind will no longer be weighed down by the intrusive negative chatter. This leaves you free to connect to positive feelings on the higher floors in a genuine way.
A note about Step 3: You will notice in Figure 1, that Step 3 includes a large arrow that circles down around to the negative feelings on the lower floors, as well as to a “Reaction Checklist.” This illustrates the repetitive nature of unresolved patterns reinforcing negative feelings, which leads to “Inner Frustration” (defined as negative feelings being generated internally). As we get older, we usually find ways to avoid that frustration by taking protective measures (aka “reactions”). The Reaction Checklist lists 6 common reactions, including: blaming or criticizing others, self-righteousness, feeling victimized by others or the world, dampening anxiety by diversion (alcohol, unhealthy eating, internet, etc.), being overly controlling, and wanting the attention, regard, appreciation, or love of others.
Case Study—Kate’s Overwhelming Negative Emotions
Kate, who describes herself as a lifelong, progressive Democrat, was emotionally overwhelmed with the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election results in the days following that election. Venting her frustration, Kate said, “I am so angry, sad, and frightened about what just happened and the fate of this country. I can’t even put words together, and I’m not sleeping. I’ve been obsessively reading everything about the election on the Internet, and I just feel worse and worse. I thought this country was finally moving in the right direction and now everything will be lost! Women’s rights, gay and lesbian rights, and immigrant rights are all threatened by institutionalized hatred. Who knows, there could even be a nuclear war! Corporate America is once again in charge. I don’t agree with Donald Trump on anything. He is just a big bully who trampled everyone in his way. Maybe the people voted for him because they liked that, but Donald Trump is not my president!”
How can Kate use the Emotional Map in this situation? Let’s follow her thoughts as she goes through the beginning of the 5STOM method. As we go through the steps, I recommend using Figure 2 as a guide.
Figure 2
To begin the process, Kate takes a hike in the woods and finds a quiet place to sit down. She closes her eyes and focuses on her breathing for 20-30 seconds, slowing down her exhalations (one of the calming techniques featured in the book).
STEP 1—Identify Negative Emotions
Step 1 is about using the Emotional Map to conduct a sequential inventory of all the emotions shown. Each Emotion Square offers a clue about what comes next in the process. Not all the Emotion Squares will apply in every situation, but I recommend going through each of them when you are first learning this method.
Kate: “ I start at the very bottom of the square figure with Despair and I sit with that word and feeling it. It is exactly what I resonate with. I hate what’s going on; and I hope if Trump goes down, he takes everyone in his party with him. Let the world see the hatred once and for all! This aggressive, anti-communitarian, xenophobic strain has burst out for now because we had an African-American president -- a threat to the white-supremacist order that’s existed since the earliest colonial days. I return to the feeling of Despair and Hopelessness, and feel it in the pit of my stomach.
“I then move upward to the next level and begin with Unworthiness/Inadequacy. I also feel that in my gut, but it’s not an overwhelming feeling. I feel strongly about what I believe, but my body is revved up from taking everything in and it’s having a hard time settling down. That’s probably why I’m not sleeping. I wish my body felt stronger. I sit with this for 10-15 seconds and move on to the next Emotion Square.
“Depression… I’m very depressed, but it’s clearly situational and I will get through this. I sit with the feelings of Depression, and notice I’m feeling glum and unmotivated to go to work. I can’t really focus on much of anything right now, and it’s hard to pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t.
“I move on to Apathy/Helplessness, which I don’t feel at all so I move on to Panic/Avoidance. I did feel some dizziness at first that can often lead me to panic, but I’ve learned to focus on slowing down my breathing when I need to.”
“Moving upward to the next level... beginning with Somatization. I have a headache, my shoulders are tight, and I feel a knot in my stomach. I’m definitely feeling the strain and frustration in my body. I’ll try to do some stretching to see if I can release anything.”
As Kate continues through the remaining Emotion Squares, she is able to see which ones are playing a part in her overall fear about the election results. Among the other feelings, she identifies a fear of change and the unknown, and not feeling safe about the future. She feels judgmental about anyone who voted for Trump and rage at Trump himself.
STEP 2—Identify Desires and Needs
After identifying all the relevant negative emotions in Step 1, Kate is ready to ask herself what needs she is experiencing as being “unmet” in the situation. Of course, you can easily have more than one unmet need or desire driving the overwhelm. In 5STOM, I take the reader through the process of assessing and identifying underlying needs and desires; as well as addressing how to resolve multiple needs and even conflicting ones. For the purposes of this article, we will only look at what Kate identifies as the strongest need driving her overwhelming fears: the need to resist the election outcome and to restore Democratic Party control (this falls under the general category of the need for control).
Kate continues: “The next square upward is about Desires/Needs. As I sit with all my fears, I focus on the need for safety. But even more than that, I feel the need for control-- I am determined to resist! I sit for a bit with this ‘need’ to resist and restore control, acknowledging its intensity.”
STEP 3—Identify Contributing Patterns and Frustrations
Now that the strongest need is determined, Kate is ready to identify the emotional patterns that led to overwhelm in the first place. These are the reactions she engages to protect herself from experiencing Inner Frustration, that then create the “vicious cycle” (see Figure 2 for details). Part of her task is to review the Reaction Checklist to see what applies to her, and to get more insight into her broader patterns.
“With this strong need to resist and restore control being unmet right now, I review the Reaction Checklist to see how I’m protecting myself from this extreme frustration:
Am I attention seeking?... Talking to my friends and family who feel the same way I do helps a little, but it doesn’t calm me down.
Am I blaming or criticizing others?... Most of my irritation and resentment is towards anyone who supports Trump—they’re either crazy, racist, or just plain ignorant.
How might I be acting self-righteously?... I am 100% confident that I’m right about my opinions, even though I’m sure everyone who disagrees with me feels the same way about their opinions.
Am I dampening anxiety by diversions or distractions?... I have such anxiety about the future that I’m compulsively reading everything about the election and eating in unhealthy ways.
Am I feeling like a victim?... I do feel like the election was stolen by contributing factors that led to the outcome, such as Wikileaks and Russian collusion.
Am I overly controlling the situation?... I would like to somehow change the results of the election by recount or impeachment.
“As I sit with this understanding of how my emotions and unmet needs strengthen each other in a vicious cycle. I acknowledge that I’m responsible for creating my rigid needs, emotions, and emotional patterns. I also set the intention to manage my emotions as safely as possible, and not take them out on others or myself.”
In Kate’s case, she was able to identify all of the negative emotions contributing to her overwhelm and her underlying need for control that feels unmet. Even though I will not cover the details of Steps 4 and 5 in this article, I will share a few examples from those steps so you can get a sense of what it means to use these steps to change course and find a new path.
STEP 4—Changing course… Using Containment and Creativity to Redirect the Reactions
Containment keeps your reactions from taking the path into overwhelm. Containment brings patience, and the rational questioning of our own negative assumptions. An example of Containment would be the question: Is there any advantageous outcome to my not getting this need met? In other words, if the need doesn’t get met, does that lead to something potentially beneficial?
Kate: “Is there any benefit that could come from not getting my need for control met by the election results?... This is a tough one... Maybe this is a wakeup call for the social activist within me. Maybe there’s more work to be done and I can get out and play a more active role; rather than assuming that everything will evolve on its own without my help. The advantage to getting involved is that I will feel more connected to others in the community who feel the same way I do.”
By Creativity, I mean that we can work towards new solutions to the negative emotions and reactions by developing new thought patterns. An example of this form of Creativity is to imagine someone else (such as a trusted friend) who could have the same problem, but who has a different and effective way to deal with such problems.
Kate: “Most of my friends are having this struggle right now on different levels, and we’re all talking about what happened. One of my friends, Gail, told me she is doing a lot of journaling about her feelings. She also stopped watching the news as much as she used to, she’s planning to do more volunteer work in the community, and she’s talking to people who voted for Trump so she can learn more about why they voted the way they did without getting into an argument.”
STEP 5—Positive Feelings
Looking at Figure 1 again, you can see there are twelve positive Emotion Squares in Step 5. Of these, I want to highlight Wisdom at this moment. Wisdom, of course, is not an emotion; but sometimes if you hear the right words of wisdom at the right moment, it can dampen the negative emotions and reinforce positivity. (It’s not always easy coming up with wisdom when you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed, so one suggestion I can offer is to check out the Wisdom Library available on my website for a comprehensive list of inspiring quotes.)
Kate: “With Wisdom, I am reminded of the Dalai Lama. I remember that the Dalai Lama was once asked whether he held any anger towards China. He replied, “They have taken everything from us [Tibetans]. Should I let them take my mind as well?” Maybe I need to start looking at it that way. Trump may have won the election, but does that mean he won control of my mind and my emotional reactions? For the moment he has, but that needs to change!”
You can see how Kate is starting to pivot herself upward, out of the “vicious cycle”. She is now aware of her self-righteousness, and is beginning to go in a more positive direction in Steps 4 and 5. In 5 Steps to Tame the Overwhelmed Mind, I fill in the missing pieces that guide you in exploring your own emotions and ways of coping with other people and situations in your life. What I hope you can take from Kate’s example is that changing negative emotional patterns is an interactive process. On the one hand, you are thinking about whether a certain emotion applies to the situation you are facing. At the same time, you are sitting with each feeling itself, acknowledging and experiencing all of the emotions and reactions that are present.
A great way to begin to improve your own emotional state is to explore your feelings about the 2020 Presidential Election. Begin by using Step 1 in Figure 1 to feel and acknowledge all the underlying negative feelings, moving in a gradual progression from one level to the next. To take it further, use the printable chart in Figure 3 to record each feeling that resonates with you at this time. Then add in your personal “Needs” and “Reactions”, which will help you begin to see how you might be creating your own “vicious cycle”. Of course, the 5STOM method will also help you with any other situation that potentially overwhelms you -- bringing you out of the negative feelings and into a more positive outlook.
Author’s note: 5 Steps to Tame the Overwhelmed Mind is scheduled for release in 2021. In the meantime, please contact me if you would like to be guided through the 5STOM Method. I am currently taking new clients, and using the video conferencing platform for sessions. It would be a pleasure to work with you!